Finding Your Tribe of Gal Pals: Sometimes it takes a tough time in life to discover your true friends, but who says you can’t look for them ahead of time? Here are tips for how to explore and build those friendships!
If you’re a Fantabulous Insider, then you know that I share some of my deepest thoughts and real life-behind the scenes stories with you in those weekly love notes. In a recent email, I shared with you about how a few people in my life stepped forward during a really hard time, and how much that meant to me. Well, it was during this time in my life, that I found my tribe of gal pals.
Finding Your Tribe of Gal Pals
Don’t get me wrong though, I have friends and have had wonderful friends for years. But when time gets tough, it’s really interesting to see who sticks around. I’ve come to realize that the majority of friends who I thought would be there… weren’t, and some that I thought wouldn’t be there… were.
Now don’t hear what I’m not saying; I still have a lot of friends that I could pick up the phone and call today for some friendly “How’s it going” chat. But there is a small group of gal pals that I consider my tribe. They’re my rocks. The ones that I can call at 3 a.m., tell them I need help, and they’ll be right there. They’re also ones that I can tell ANYTHING to, no matter how bad it is, and they’ll still show up and be my friend the next day. THOSE are my tribe. My lifelines. My girls.
Although I wish I didn’t have to go through a hard time to figure who these people were… if there’s ONE thing I’m grateful for, is that I’ve found them.
So to help you find your tribe before something in life may get really tough your way, I’m sharing some of what I’ve learned through all of this, in hopes that you can create your tribe of gal pals too! To get deep down to really find out who this may be, I’ve created a Discover Your Tribe worksheet to help you work through this. Now this one page printable may not change the world in the friends department, but it may at least give you a jump-start in the right direction. After you’ve downloaded it, keep reading below for an extra in-depth look in to your tribe creation.
How to Build Your Tribe?
So having a close group of gal pals sounds amazing, right? Ok, so we’re good there. But now, the “hard” part. How do we actually find them, and find who we want as our “rock’s”. Here are a few things to think about, and how to take a step towards finding them.
Makin’ the Move:
- Think of someone who is living a life you admire. Not “jealous of”… admire. Are they working on living a fulfilling life? Do they have values that you want instilled in your life? Surrounding yourself with someone like this can have an incredible influence on your own life.
- Let the “reach out” scare you just a little. Does it feel unnatural to reach out to this person? That may be just what you need and are looking for. If you’re looking for something different in your life, or even a new group of friends, reaching out to someone that doesn’t feel natural, may be exactly what you need.
- Send a text message, Facebook message, or pick up the phone and call. Ask to meet one-on-one. Work around her schedule, and when it works best for her! When it comes to explaining “why” you want to meet, keep it short and honest.
Maybe an “I’d love to get together to chat, if you’re free anytime soon. I’m having a tough time and would just love a friend to talk to.”
Now I know how hard that can be for those of us who find it hard to ask for help. But if you leave that vulnerable part out, she may not fully grasp just how important it is, or may even think you’re just trying to sell her on the next new product that hit the market.
She’s Just Not That In To You? Or Is She?
Does she reschedule more than once, and you still haven’t been able to meet? It may just not be a good fit, or at least right now. If she’s rescheduled more than twice, it may be a good idea to try and set a coffee-date with another friend.
Now I get it, life happens. We don’t want to give up on someone that couldn’t help that her schedule didn’t work out more than twice. I mean, what if her kiddo was sick the first time, and the second time her car broke down. But overall, if you’re getting the vibe that something isn’t clicking and feeling that she doesn’t have the desire to meet up as much as you… maybe it’s time to see if she’ll be the one to reach out to schedule the next get-together. You may find that she reaches out soon, because she longs for a friend meet-up too!
Side Note: We are human and it feels good, to feel wanted… so when we try, try, and try, eventually it can get discouraging. But don’t get down on yourself if she never meets up. I know we as women can torture ourselves by telling our minds a story that people don’t like us when things like this happen. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you. You never know, she may actually be going through a tough time in her life, and since you’re not her BFF, she may not feel comfortable telling you why it’s such a struggle to meet up right now.
The Meet + Greet
It’s ok to be nervous. Know that. I totally am each time I meet with a new friend too. My emotions take me back to the first day of high school in the cafeteria, hoping I’d meet someone nice that would become my new best friend.
The awkward first 15 minutes. Oh my gosh, right? Why is it that it takes a while before the real discussions can start taking place. So just push through, talk about the surface level things… get them out of the way, and then let it roll off of your tongue:
Well thank you so much for meeting me. I’ve had a tough time lately, and I really needed to talk to someone, and you came to mind. It means a lot that you’re here.
So this is what’s going on…
… and before you know it, you two will probably be sharing stories, and depending on the convo, may even be sharing tears soon.
“One Night Stand” or “Relationship Material”
So, did you two hit it off? That’s so awesome. Send a text/message afterwards saying how much it meant to you that she took time out of her busy life, and you can’t wait to do it again. She may be wondering after the first get-together, “Does she like me?” too.
Didn’t really feel a vibe with her after all? That’s completely ok. Don’t let it discourage you from reaching out to others on your list.
Keep It Going
I know in the past, I’ve been totally guilty of meeting up with a friend, and then not communicating for weeks or even months afterwards! It’s life. It happens. But when I’m intentional about making sure to touch base with a
“Hey! Just checking in with you to see how “X” is going,”
and maybe a
“If you need anything, I’ll be in the area. Just let me know.” message too.
I’ve seen the relationship bloom and flourish to whole new levels. So if you want to, and are able… keep in touch with her.
More the Merrier
Who says you can only have one best friend? If there’s someone else you’d love to build a friendship with, go for it! I love having a circle of friends! They just may have different experiences, personalities and advice along the way through life.
Reach out to someone else in your mental friends list, and see what happens next!
So Tell Me…
Are you going to reach out to someone new, to create your tribe? I’d love to hear about it!
Ready for More?
If you’re not a Fantabulous Insider, I’d LOVE to have you join us. Each week I send out a special love note with encouraging words and sometimes even a behind the scenes embarrassing life situation that I have going on. Join for free HERE to get on the list.