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Lifestyle, Self Improvement

Removing the Mask – The Hypocrisy

If you’ve followed my blog for a while, then you know that occasionally I’ll share a personal story, rather than a quick and easy recipe, a new room makeover, or the cute little dress that I just scored at Target.

Sometimes it’s because other’s request it or because I think my story may help others through a hard time.

Today, I’m sharing a personal side of things because JESUS told me to.

“I See You Lookin’ At Me”

Yesterday at church, my pastor gave a message that was absolutely incredible.

Watch the message from my pastor, Bryan Mills, HERE if you have 20 minutes. You won’t regret it.

Hypocrisy

Have you ever been to church, and literally feel like that message was created just for you, and that the pastor was giving you the “eye” throughout the entire message?

That was me yesterday.

The message was on hypocrisy. Now again, if you’ve been following me for some time, then you know that I want to be as real as I CAN be (and more later on why I emphasize “can”) here on the blog.

Honestly, your “thank you” messages to me, mean the WORLD when you say things like, “Thank you for being so real and honest about things.” It encourages me so much, and leads me to share more and more real life with you often.

BUT… those thank you messages aside, I can’t help but think that there are still others out there who have a totally different perception of me, and the blog that I call my business, my hobby and a big chunk of my heart.

Now, before I go on, and so we can connect on an even deeper level… can we just go ahead and take a moment and bring social media in to this perception too?

Social Media Can be a “No-Win” Situation

Take my blog out of the equation for a second. Most of us scroll on Facebook and Instagram in our daily lives and pass times, and more so than not, we can become consumed with how “perfect” the lives are, of so many that we see on the newsfeed. Let’s be honest, it’s not just in the “blogger world” that we perceive other’s having perfect lives, and being reminded that we don’t.

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Although with this thought, I find myself saying, “Well if people DON’T share the good and pretty things… then we’d probably critcize them for sharing only the negative and depressing things. So really it’s a no-win situation.

BUT, I do think social media (and blogs) can be a place where hypocrisy can slip in, even unintentionally.

For instance, seeing quick posts from someone on your newsfeed like,

Selfie – Look at me, how pretty my hair is, my makeup technique, or how big my big ole muscles are in my muscle shirt from working out.

Look at my perfect kids hugging and loving on each other.

Here’s my beautiful home and bright white gourmet kitchen.

Date night! So thankful for this marriage and how good he/she is to me.

…only, the reality of the situation COULD be,

Look at me, I’m so proud of myself that I showered and put makeup on for the first time in 4 days… because before this, I was depressed and laying in bed with a major emotional struggle that you know nothing about.

Whew, glad I caught that cute moment on camera because little Johnny just beat the crap out of little Timmy right before this.

Here’s my beautiful home and clean kitchen. I’m so thankful that we still have a roof over our heads, because we’re actually behind 4 payments on it.

My marriage is the best I could ever ask for. Now, or course. After we went through that hilacious year when I found out that he/she was seeing someone else.

What’s the Full Story?

Blogs and social media can be a fun place to go for inspiration and to decompress from a tough day. But I think sometimes when we don’t share the FULL story of why we are sharing our good moments, it can come off as like we have it all together.

There’s Something You Should Know

Friends, I DON’T have it all together, and I never ever want the blog or my personal life to seem like I have it all together.

Why? Because there is so much beauty in seeing that others struggle (NOW wait a minute, I didn’t say “there’s so much beauty in SEEING other struggle.” I said, “seeing THAT others struggle.”

Because when we see that others struggle and don’t have a perfect life, it makes us realize that when we don’t have it all together too, that it’s ok. That maybe we aren’t doing something wrong. Or that maybe God wasn’t “picking on us” but not them.

Which is why I really want to address a couple of things.

When you visit the blog, or see a post from me on social media, I want it to be a happy, encouraging and pretty place for you to snag ideas or decompress from a tough day. I want the blog to be a place of beautiful, inspiring and pretty things that you love to come visit often.

So with that, comes very few, dark, tough, and ugly topics.

Usually by the time I’m sharing a story about a tough situation, I have already overcome it, and now I’m sharing how you can overcome it too.

That’s what I truly feel like I was born and put on this Earth to do; to inspire others, and to share stories and life hacks that I’ve learned along to way, to hopefully help make your life and journey a little better.

“It’s Time Jessica”

So while sitting in church last Sunday, and with the preacher lookin’ right at me (or so I felt), it hit me.

Jessica, are you being a hypocrite by mostly sharing the good, pretty and “overcome” victories in your life?

Why don’t you share more about the current struggles going on?

…and I literally felt God nudge me, and say,

It’s time.

It’s time to share that I’ve been struggling emotionally and physically for almost a year with a major part of my life.

For almost a year, I’ve wanted to share the ENTIRE story, the journey, the everything… but my hands have been tied and I wasn’t (and still not) allowed to do so. But I CAN share some of the emotional details of this journey, rather than stay completely quiet about everything.

So, Here We Go:

  • I no longer live in my big beautiful home that I brought my baby boy home to, and created the beautiful home tour blog posts about.
  • I actually laid in bed for weeks, not willing to get up to clean the house or make a meal for my family, because the depression had taken a toll.
  • Arguing became a characteristic of my marriage, and became the new “normal” way of communication for us.
  • Sudden weight loss became my new diet plan, because I was so ill and sick from stress.
  • A ball cap and sunglasses became my new daily attire when I’d go grocery shopping in a far away town, just in case I didn’t make it far enough away trying to avoid seeing someone I knew.

There was so much of this that you didn’t see, when I shared a blog post about how to trick yourself in to getting things done or how to style a Hot Dog bar for your girlfriends. Why? Because my story wasn’t done, so I felt I had nothing to share yet, and because I wanted the blog to be a place full of beauty and happiness.

I Just Didn’t Talk About It

Now although I did stay true to myself and “real” when I wrote a blog post about different topics like those, not mentioning that I’m at rock bottom while writing organization how-to’s and styling parties, still feels deceitful. I never lied and said “my marriage is perfect, I still live in my big and beautiful home,” etc. … I just didn’t talk about it.

But I feel by NOT sharing that I was struggling, and still am struggling today, I could really be missing out on the opportunity to help someone else.

Let me also say this. Some things are just too personal to share with the entire world, some things aren’t “ready” to be shared, and some things are only meant for God’s ears.

My whole story isn’t ready to share.

But I at least wanted to give you the cliff notes of the emotional parts of my journey, and I think by doing this… those of you who look at my blog and life, can still look at it as a place of inspiration and fun, rather than a place of hypocrisy. I never want you to think I have it all together, and I never want you to think that I have a perfect life.

So if sharing with you that I don’t, and to let you know that you’re not alone living an imperfect life… then I shall remove the mask, because I feel that is what Jesus has called me to do.

Join the “Creating Your Happy” Group

So here’s something else you may want to know. I started a group on Facebook about a year or so ago, where we we talk about all sorts of celebrations and difficult things in life (like this one). It gets pretty “real” in there, so come prepared!

We’d love to have you in our group to chat about all the things.  See you over there! Join it HERE!

JOIN CREATING YOUR HAPPY

Hypocrisy

26 thoughts on “Removing the Mask – The Hypocrisy

  1. Connie Fornea says:

    Thank you for standing on your beliefs and following God’s lead for being real and true to yourself. We all struggle in every aspect of our lives. It always helps to know you are not the only one. Life will be touch and people will be judgemental but if God is who you follow you will always come out better with Him on your side. Live for Him. He makes a way when there seems to be no way. You are a beautiful and genuine sweet lady with so much of life left to enjoy. Love God first and family second and you can’t go wrong. Ill continue to follow you sweetie. Hang in there and thanks for being true to yourself and Jesus. Sending you hugs and prayers.

    1. Jessica says:

      You’re so right. If we follow God, we’ll always come out better. So so good Connie. Thank you for this and your rich, full of goodness, words. It means so much!

  2. Tania says:

    Thank you for sharing with us. Big hugs lovely! Prayers for you and your family 💖

    1. Jessica says:

      Oh Tania, thank you. That means so so much!

  3. Nelda Holliday says:

    Jess, you’re certainly not by yourself!!! Brian’s message was meant for me too, and perhaps others as well .
    I believe, with God’s grace freely new each day, at some point, we’ll get through the struggles we are trying so desperately to hide.
    My heart and prayers for not only your situation, but mine as well. I’ll pray for you, you pray for me, and together we’ll reach Heaven on our knees.
    Was great to see you the other day and I wish the very best for you and your sweet boys. If you need me in any way, shape, or form, just yell. Love you!

    1. Jessica says:

      You got it sister. I’ll be praying for your struggles too. Love what you said about “reaching heaven on our knees.” That’s so so good. You have a way with words my lady… you may want to think about writing a book. 😉

  4. Melissa Nickel says:

    Jessica – thank you for your courage in coming forward with your real life struggles. You are a beautiful woman sharing your real life with people and I admire you for it. Keep up the good fight and keep being you!! You have some true fans out here and we are cheering you on!!!

    1. Jessica says:

      Oh Melissa, thank you. I’ll do my best to keep up the good fight. With encouraging words like this, it will make it easier. I appreciate you taking the time to read and to leave such a sweet comment. XO

  5. Jessa says:

    You are such a beautiful person, both inside and out. I love that you had the courage to share the reality of your situation. It’s hard and it’s a good reminder to stop comparing oneself to others, because everyone has it rough from time to time.

    1. Jessica says:

      Thank you Jessa, that’s so sweet. YES! It is so so hard to remember and to do sometimes!
      Thank you again for commenting and the sweet words. It means a lot!

  6. Karee says:

    Jessica-thank you so much for sharing. It’s difficult to put yourself out there and even more difficult to put the not so perfect aspects or our lives.

    1. Jessica says:

      Aw, thank YOU Karee! That means so so much!

  7. Charlotte says:

    I am sorry you are facing tough times. Remember, catchers wear face masks to protect theirselves from the balls flying at them. As humans we do this as well when we have multiple problems flying at us. That is ok. It sometimes is necessary so we can deal with the problems in front of us.

    It is also ok to share only what you are comfortable with. When you are in a situation where someone asks for more, you can say no. We are in the age of oversharing and people feel like they can ask anything and we should answer their questions. It is ok to set boundaries and say something is a family matter and leave it at that. You do not owe anyone an explanation beyond that of what you are willing to share.

    One thing that has helped me when dealing with tough times was making decisions, even if they are small. Making decisions starts to put you back in control and helps rebuild that confidence that seems to get stripped away when life starts to spin. This blog post is a great example, you may have felt nervous about pushing publish, but now that it is out there you are most likely feeling like you have a little bit more control. Write down everything that is weighing on your mind and make a plan on how to address them. Each little step puts you back in the driver seat. Maybe its making a dr. appointment or meeting with a financial planner or setting up a playdate, each step will help you.

    Lastly, take off that hat and go your local grocery store. Don’t hide. What would you tell your best friend if your roles were switched and you found out she was going to a different town just to pick up groceries? Most people have no idea what is going on and that cashier or produce man at your local grocery store will probably greet you with a smile and ask you where have you been because they missed seeing you on a weekly basis.

    You have a huge community to support you. Hugs to you and your family!

    1. Jessica says:

      Oh Charlotte, thank you so much for all of this. You said so many things that I need to tell myself/remind myself of, often.
      You have quite a way with words, and your encouragement is undeserving. So so kind of you. Thank you SO much.

  8. Kirstan Survillas says:

    Hello
    I knew something was amiss. I have empathy for what you are going through and respect your need for privacy. Thank you for a glimps into your reality. It was brave of you and I/we appreciate your candor.
    Your fans are here for you even if it is in spirit only.
    You are a strong, brave, smart woman. This to shall pass and you will have a wonderful future just waiting for you and your precious boys.

    1. Jessica says:

      Oh Kirstan, thank you so much. It’s honestly so relieving that some knew that something must be going on, because that means I must not be able to fake it. Haha!
      I really appreciate your kind words so much, and your thoughtful comments. It really does help! XO

  9. Kathy Annas says:

    You are the sweetest. So sad to hear life has gotten so tough. You are tougher and you can rise above this. I’m 58 years old and seen enough to know lots of things are not as they seem. I worry sometimes for the younger ones looking at “perfect” bloggers with “perfect” homes and handsome husbands and wondering why their life can’t be so perfect. I appreciate your transparency and sharing your hard times. You will be in my prayers. ❤❤❤

    1. Jessica says:

      Oh gosh yes, it’s so easy to see it online, and to wonder how they “have it all”. Thank YOU for reading and leaving a sweet note and for the prayers! XO

  10. Laura says:

    Jessica,
    You are so brave and strong to share this. You may not feel this way as of right now but hearing you I know that you are such a strong person inside! You have inspired me in so many ways since the beginning and my prayers and thoughts are with you. You are such a beautiful person inside and out and just like all of us we go through ups and downs and it can be so hard when trying to run a business and keep up with social media. We are on your side and know what a real person you are and a special soul that cares for everyone. Xoxo

    1. Jessica says:

      Laura, words cannot even begin to describe how thankful I am for your outpouring of love and support since I’ve met you. I want you to know that everything you said, can be said right back to you. I think you’re such an incredible person. Thank you. XO

  11. Amy says:

    Bravo to you for at least making it to church. I know the depths of depression are real. Thanks for this post. I sometimes feel “less than” after seeing all the bright and shining faces on Instagram. Hang in there!

    1. Jessica says:

      Thank you Amy. There were quite a few Sunday’s where I didn’t, that’s for sure! Thank you for coming by and dropping a note too. XO

  12. Andrea says:

    I’ve been following your blog for some time and am sorry to hear that life is not the easiest right now. I too went through some rough times not too long ago. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your boys.

    1. Jessica says:

      Thank you so much Andrea! That means a lot. I’m so sorry you went through some tough times too. Life can definitely throw some major curve balls at us, but the support during those times can mean the world. Thank you again!

  13. Cookie says:

    Jessica remember The Red Sea Rules!! God will not takes us toward something without taking us through to the other side. And the “only” perfection I know of lies inside Heavens gates.

    1. Jessica says:

      YES! You’re so right Cookie. I can’t thank you enough for sending that over too. XO

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