Can I be honest? I’m exhausted.
I wish I looked as refreshed right now, as I do in this photo, but that’s FAR from true. I need a shower, I need a full nights sleep, and I’d LOVE for my little guy to be healthy.
For the last month, my husband and I have had many sleepless nights, taking turns being on “seizure watch” so we don’t miss one, and so we can be there for our son when he’s going through it.
I’m struggling with thoughts of,
“It’s not fair.”
and
“Why him?”
but I’m also contradicting those with thoughts of,
“I’m so thankful because it could be worse.”
and
“At least we know what to do when he has one.”
You take this and add it on top of our last two years of nightmares, and it’s almost unbelievable or could even give a storyline for a movie a run for its money.
My husband said to me the other day,
“Jessica, one day, we’ll look back at this time and wonder how we ever survived.”
To which I replied,
“Honey, I’m not sure how we’re surviving now.”
Do you ever wonder why God allows things to happen to us?
I’ve read and read, and I’ve found scripture and encouraging words from:
- He’s preparing you for a new season
- He won’t let this go to waste
- and so much more.
But for a “fixer” like me, it’s so hard to sit back and wait for God to make the next move… perhaps that’s what he’s waiting on.
For me to hand it all over to Him.
So today, right now, I hand it all over to God… to have Him step in and do better than I could ever imagine.
Are you a “fixer” too? If you’re struggling today, please know you’re not alone. Your story may look different than someone else’s, but it’s your story, and it hurts just the same.
Perhaps turning it over to Him may be the next right step.
Rachel says
Jessica! Thank you for sharing. I am sorry your family is experiences this. My son has also experienced some medical issues and I know how hard it is to watch them suffer. I will be adding your family to my prayer list. I have hung onto this verse for comfort: James 1:17, NLT: “Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens.” All good things are from God. Your precious son is from God. He life and health is from God. Your supportive husband is from God. The bad things are not from God. I also hang onto the fact that God is The Healer. He can heal anything. Jer. 30:10 is a great verse to hang onto to help you remember that He heals our sickness and wounds. Hang in there. You are a strong lady and everything is going to work out.
Jessica says
Oh Rachel, I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this too… but you’re so wise to say all of these things, and it’s so appreciated! Thank YOU for taking the time to leave a note!
Megan says
So very true! I’m a fixer too, but I’m also enough of a control freak that I want to know why. It’s hard to accept things we don’t understand, and really hard to trust God when it doesn’t make sense. Thanks for sharing, this was definitely what I needed to hear. Hope things get better for y’all soon.
Jessica says
Hi Megan! Oh man, I want to know why with most things too! So true. Thank YOU for reading and for taking the time to drop a sweet note. XO
Kathy says
I think especially when it comes to our children most mom’s are fixers . Whether it’s a skinned knee, a broken heart or a serious illness we want to fix it because we love them so. My daughter is grown now but I remind myself that she was God’s before she was mine and I put her in his hands and trust. It’s really all we can do. So sorry for your son and for the challenges this has presented. I agree that giving it to God is your best bet!
Jessica says
You’re so right Kathy! It’s just in us moms! I love how you remind yourself with that. I need to do that too, and this was so helpful to hear. Thank you so much!