Husband and wife married on the beach
Marriage, Real Life

How to be a Good Wife… the Lessons We’ve Learned

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How to be a good wife: Lessons learned over the years from wives all around, with tips and tricks that make their marriage work!

Husband and wife married on the beach

Am I the perfect wife? No.

Do I know a perfect wife? No.

But I do believe I am a good wife, and that I know a lot of good wives out there.

How to Be a Good Wife

I also know that we can definitely screw up and have flaws (we all do) and still be a good wife.

A good wife can also be defined in many different ways, by different people.

For instance, my husband may say there are different characteristics that make up a good wife, then what Billy, John, and David who live down the street say. (I have no idea if a Billy, John or David live down the street… so don’t be offended if you think I’m talking about your husband.)

You may also love our other marriage posts like: “How to Respect Your Husband” and “5 Simple Ways to Make Your Husband Want to Come Home”

I have also learned a LOT in my marriage, and I’ve polled those of you in the Creating Your Happy group on what lessons you have learned while being a wife, so I’m hoping what we have to share with you today, will help in some way.

Now, even if you’re not visiting this post for help… and just happened across this post, I truly hope something still resonates with you.

I know there were some things that others suggested that made me more aware and intrigued with what would happen if I would incorporate them into my marriage.

What are the Tips to be a Good Wife?

So again, although you may not agree with all of them, these are lessons we’ve learned and things that we’ve noticed in our (the Fantabulosity community) marriages, so we hope that something will speak to you today and help!

Do you have to do all or any of these to be a good wife? Absolutely not. They’re just great lessons we’ve learned that work in our marriages and we’re hoping one or all will help you in some way.

Below, I’ve compiled real-life answers from other wives, so you’ll notice some will look just like Facebook comments… because they are!

Be sure to let us know below or in the Creating Your Happy group if this helps!

28 Tips to Be a Good Wife

1. God first. There’s a reason this is #1. It never fails. When God is put first in our marriage, everything else flows a lot easier. Even if only one of you is putting God first, it’s amazing what He (God) can do.

2. During an extremely difficult time in our marriage, I felt like I gave, gave and gave some more, even when I didn’t want to, because I wasn’t feeling loved in return. I didn’t walk away easily, and I’m thankful for that, because I believe our marriage is stronger now because of it.

But listen… I’ll be honest, there was a time when I couldn’t give anymore. I stopped trying and I was done. But more to come on that later.
Also, don’t get me wrong…My husband has never physically abused me. So I’m not saying that if you are being abused, that you should stay. If you are being abused, get help immediately.

3. We marry our dads. Not really, but we tend to carry over any behaviors we grew up with … and unintentionally live like our husbands have the same traits as our fathers, or live like they SHOULD have the same traits.

4. It’s hard. Can I just leave it at that? Because it is. It’s just hard. It takes work and no two people are the same, so when we come together as one, it may take some changing and reshaping to fit the pieces together.

5. When he’s upset and we can’t seem to get along, I’ve realized that sometimes it’s not about me or even something specific that happened with us. There could be something going on that I don’t understand or that I don’t even know about. I was so thankful when my husband helped me write “What to do when your husband doesn’t come home” because it helps explain a lot of things that I didn’t realize as his wife.

6. We all have a love language and learning what his is, is crucial and a game-changer. When we speak our spouse’s love language, he will feel more loved than when we show it in other ways. Plus, sometimes we tend to show love in our own love language, rather than his. So what’s a love language? I went in to more on this in The Secret Weapon in our Marriage.

7. Although I feel better when I “throw up” on him (vent, complain, and be negative about the unimportant things in life) he then feels it, and then I feel bad about that.

It’s like I have a temporary relief but regret minutes later. So unless it’s an important matter or I’m really struggling with something, I try to work through it instead of dumping it off on to him.

8. Pray about it before spouting about it. When something is bothering me, or in the heat of the moment, it is MUCH easier said than done, but taking a minute to pray about it does two things:
a. helps me think through things while giving me a breather
b. God will sometimes speak to me in those moments, and I’ll have a better way to approach a tough conversation with my husband.

9. “Don’t have big conversations on midnight week” – Facebook reader
This can also be explained as “don’t have big conversations when one has had a stressful/long week/day. Timing can mean everything! Which leads to the next recommendation from a Facebook reader that made me chuckle…

10. “We have a rule-no important chats when hungry, horny, or tired.” – Facebook Reader
This made me laugh out loud. I love it! But I’m not sure if there are moments in the day that one of us isn’t feeling one of these. Haha!

11. “That I take him for granted way too often. If I were to slow down every once in a while I would see that he is always by my side.” – Facebook Reader

12. “We are a team. Our marriage comes first then the kids. I was doing so much that I felt like he was an intruder so to speak.” – Facebook Reader

13. “Small stuff doesn’t matter. If something is bothering you (ie: dishes, laundry, etc.) just do them because it’s not affecting your partner. In ten minutes after they’re done, it’s not going to matter anymore.” – Facebook Reader

14. “If you have expectations for how an event or procedure is going to go in regards to your husband – make them known beforehand. He then has the opportunity to live up to the expectations you have set rather than fail your unsaid threshold.” – Facebook Reader

15. “Just celebrated our 18th wedding Anniversary and I have learned many lessons over the years. I think the most important is not giving up during the bad/hard times and compromise!” – Facebook Reader

16. “People always say you will have good years and bad and we have experienced both but have never given up on each other or our marriage in the bad years! Statistics of interracial marriage is higher than the average divorce rate due to culture differences especially when raising children. We have to compromise often and meet in the middle with a solution!” – Facebook Reader

17. “A couple of things… When you are frustrated or upset with your spouse, sometimes you have to look deep down inside and realize that it might be your thought process or you could really be the cause of your own frustration, then communication is the key.
It is all a give and take, but you and your spouse have to put your marriage first before kids, jobs, etc… (well besides God) It is SO hard to do that, but the family starts with husband and wife….. AND realize that there is a difference between joy and happiness. You won’t always be happy every day but you can still be unhappy or face hard times, and have joy.” – Facebook Reader

18. “I’ve learned to not take everything personal. It’s hard because when he is going thru stuff and lashes out at me then it’s easy to think many negative thoughts. Sometimes you have to step back and redirect your thoughts to something positive on purpose.” – Facebook Reader

19. “LOVE this! We are constantly changing as people. We change jobs, locations, friends, family, new people enter your life, and some people exit out of your life–all of this changes you and your spouse. You have to be willing to change together.
We never go to bed angry, we always talk it out no matter what. Never say the word divorce, ever. We disagree on irrelevant things at times, which can get heated because we both want to be right and don’t back down from wanting to be right and have decided to agree to disagree and let the little stuff go. We are a team and we work toward our goals together.” – Facebook Reader

20. “Pick your battles! I remember a lady complaining that her husband put the roll of toilet paper on the wrong way for 25 years! The other person said to her-“so he is finally doing it right”? She answered and said “NO, but after 25 years I decided to stop complaining about it!” – Facebook Reader

21. “True forgiveness.” – Facebook Reader

22.RESPECT. I believe is truly what has kept my husband & I together through good and bad times. We can agree to disagree by respecting each other’s views and coming together to work as a team. That can mean taking a break to come back together and discuss further & let emotions settle so we can mutually agree (compromise).
Along with all the above great comments. TEAMWORK. that necessarily doesn’t always mean 50/50.. I have my low days & he picks it up or vice versa. TIME. Making time to spend with each other. COMMUNICATION. Always talking & really listen to each other. Not making Assumptions… SELF CARE. this is so important in order to make my relationship healthy. We need to take care of ourselves spiritually, mind & body.” – Facebook Reader

23. “We’re still newlyweds I suppose so I have a lot to learn but I’ve learned a lot about truly being open with someone else, especially about the things that cause me anxiety – like sharing finances with someone has been great mostly but also it’s such a mindset change to be open about talking about money. That’s just one example but there are a ton of things I’ve learned to really share that I would have kept to myself before.” – Facebook Reader

24. “Oh Gosh where do I start! After 37 years I probably could write a book … It’s ok to be wrong, it’s not important to be right, he is my biggest supporter & best friend… Respect Respect Respect. 
Don’t nag, he may or may not get projects or chores done but our relationship is more important than any silly ole project. 
Food really does make him happy! 
Don’t go to bed mad, you won’t be able to sleep anyway. 
I’m not his employee so I ask to not be treated like one and Life is great.” – Facebook Reader

25. “It gets easy to nag so try not to do that and show some interest in things that he loves.” – Instagram Reader

26. “Always be encouraging and give praise for the things he does. That is what keeps a guy going.” – Instagram Reader

27. “Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated.” – Instagram Reader

28. “Never EVER put down your spouse in front of other people!” – Instagram Reader

29. “Listen to husband instead of railroading him into thinking what you want him to think.” – Facebook Reader

I am BEYOND thankful for all of you who have shared your favorite tips for being a good wife. Thank you so much!

If you’ve loved reading this or if you’d love to add something to our list, be sure to let us know in the comments! Share the love and help a fellow wife!

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